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Why did she do it? Nobody dared to ask. Because - what courage! Who had the courage to burn herself? Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way.

What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration?

I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer.

She lit the match.

Lunch. #potatobaconsoup #soup #cesarwrap #wrap #pickle #yum #lunch #food #giveme #williams
I hate this stupid shaking bridge. Do I throw myself in to the river or in to traffic? #hate #hate #hate #bridge #heights #thamesriver #uwo #lndont #nothanks #walking #wah
Sorry Cam, I’m going to marry this pizza instead. #mmm #byronpizza #fatforever #yum #pizza #dinner
New shoes! #gettingfit #fit #cute #nike #sportschek #gym #goodlifefitness #bodystep #upcomingwedding #weightloss
Cameron’s getting new glasses and sunglasses. #glasses #sunglasses #lenscrafters #new
Hi, I got engaged yesterday…… @ryleelynn__ WE GOT WORK TO DO. #caketasting #caterertasting #tasting #mmm #getskinny #plans #wedding #engaged #excited #happy #love
Daaaaaa ring. #ring #engaged #love #fiance #boyfriend #excited #happy #yay #wedding
My fiance! Eeeee! #cam #fiance #beach #proposal #engaged #excited #happy #love
Missed my bus so got lunch with my tard brother. #nick #brother #lunch #yum #food #lol #chickenfingers #friesandgravy #cheeseburger #afternoon #spring
Ahahahah! #toofunny #duh #ishehot #doctor #cutedoctor #lol #beeninthehospitaltoolong
Birthday gifts from my aunt. #infinityscarf #jewellerybox #cat #orangetabby #cute #birthday #today #forme #gifts
So much birthday food. #mm #work #goodlife #goodlifefitness #bananamuffins #banancake #hamplatter #yum #fatbirthday #sogood #food #thanks
Monkey cake! #icecreamcake #yum #birthday #giveme #monkey #dq #tomorrow #birthdaycake
My second early ice cream birthday cake! #mmm #thanks #birthday #prebirthday #yum #icecreamcake #boyfriend #tomorrow #23 #second
Before and after the #Perfector! #loveit #yay #fusionstyler #birthdaygift #hair #curls #easy #quick #healthy #ions #blonde #longhair #beforeandafter